My Take on Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the 1st 7 Months of Mamahood!

I thought I would write portions of this long ago, however, I actually started SLEEPING a month ago, so now it is possible. Here are my thoughts on this last almost year and a half!

After years of talking about if we were ready, and 15 (I think) months of trying -- we found out I was pregnant in December 2013. It was a few days after Christmas. For 45-minutes after the test. I sat there saying to Tait over-and-over-and-over “I’m pregnant! I’m pregnant? I’m PREGNANT?!?!?”

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I’ve enjoyed the company of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for years. I like to think of it as my law school graduation present! CFS is a stupid “syndrome” and an equally useless diagnosis. As far as I can tell, it is Latin for “Ummm, we have no idea what is wrong with you, but we finally believe you aren’t making it all up!” So anywho, no need to get into the joys of CFS except to say that I’ve had YEARS of practice being tired and oh-so-nauseated. When we finally decided to have a baby, I thought, “Pregnancy will be a piece of cake! I’ve had years of practice!” HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Not the case.

Pregnancy was pretty unpleasant for my already haggard body. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t hardly move without needing to barf. I laid in my bed and held VERY still. I watched lots and lots of TV, thank you Netflix! I finally found out that I could drink lemon water. Not ordinary lemon water, but water with so much lemon squeezed into it that it looked like skim milk. (Just thinking of it now makes me cringe). Of course, I only liked the BIG lemons that were like $1 each (unlike regular lemons which are 3 or 5 for $1). Tait told me we spent AT LEAST $75 on lemons in my 1st trimester. Ick.

Anyway, one day I finally pestered my doctor enough to give me an IV and got hydrated. After that, I really turned the corner. I couldn’t do much, but I could roll over! And walk around the house. By my 3rd trimester Tait and I could go waddle around the lake most every night. We had to wait until it was dark because I was the most pregosaurus in the summer and I was ROASTING hot all the time.

At almost every doctor’s appointment they would ask me what I was eating. I would say “mostly saltine crackers.” They would then offer to have me speak to the nutritionist. I thought what is the point! Do you not think I know I should be eating something else!? But, hey, I grew a pretty great baby who is made up of at least 80% saltine crackers!

When it became clear that I would never get anywhere to take those professional cute/classy maternity pics, we snapped these in the yard.

Flash forward to the morning of September 2nd. I woke up at 8am having dreams about having contractions. I woke to find out… guess what… I was having contractions! We went to the hospital that evening. In the afternoon the next day (Sept 3), after some fancy scalpel work by my doc, we got to meet our baby girl wiggle monster for the 1st time. Yeah, 36 hours after the contractions started. Staying up all night THEN having an unplanned C-section was not the way I would recommend starting motherhood. I know there are women who get all-sorts of crazy about natural childbirth and think C-sections are evil or shameful. I tell you this, if we lived in a time before epidurals and C-sections, Tennyson and/or I would probably not be here today. I am SO GRATEFUL that all I have to show is a small scar that is almost invisible when viewed with all the many stretch marks that now decorate my belly! :-)

I thought the C-section was pretty great. I got through the recovery without ever needing to take a single narcotic. Although, I did browbeat them into letting me have good IV anti-inflammatories that my labor and delivery nurse baby-sister recommended!

I will save you from one of those gory birth stories and leave you with this: If my giant-headed-self and my giant-headed-husband ever decide to give our giant-headed-baby a sibling here is how it will go: Sleep 10 hours. Wake up. Take shower. Go to hospital for SCHEDULED C-section. Hold baby within the hour. Ahhh, sounds like a dream!

I’ve heard people say, that you will never be “ready” to have a baby so don’t try to wait until you are. I tell you, I think the exact opposite! Tait and I were ready. We had a 9 year old marriage and are still VERY MUCH in love. We had a track record of dealing with BIG projects VERY WELL together. We had built a business together. We had learned how we work together. We effectively switch between who is “in charge” of each area of our lives and business. We can switch seamlessly from Tait is in charge of this to Brittney is in charge of that. We were ready. After we were ready to have a baby, it took 15+ months to get pregnant, and looking back, I am actually glad that it took so long. On the long days (and nights) I am grateful that I can look at Tennyson through my bloodshot (literally) eyes and say, “We waited for YOU.”

In the hospital

My dad and Lori came out for Tennyson’s 1st 2 weeks home. I don’t remember those weeks. In our 4 days at the hospital, I think I got about 6 hours of sleep TOTAL. Add to that the extreme sleep deprivation of the 1st weeks and it is all a blur.

I had someone snap these on our 1-week-aversary of being parents. Just keepin' it real. Aren't we purty?

My dad with Brooks (my brother's kiddo) and Tennyson on his shoulders. Tait is helping Tennyson stay on.

I like to think that I took to motherhood with all the grace of a hippo on ice skates! (Isn’t that a great saying, I stole it from Biggest Loser). And that I took to motherhood like a CAT takes to water. Wait, you say, the phrase is “like a FISH to water.” Well, yes, that is what most people say. However, I did not take to it like a fish to water. I use CAT on purpose. I would assume that if a cat took every class offered on swimming and worked really hard it could learn to be a good swimmer. That is how I feel.

My Grandma, Tennyson's Great Grandma. They have the same birthday!

Barf on all those (well meaning) people who say lame things like, “It will be totally natural,” or “Your instincts will just kick in,” or “It's easy; you will do great!” Motherhood does NOT come naturally to me. I never babysat. I never said, “Oh it’s a baby!” My relationship with my own mother was, (shall we say) “Strained?” Yeah, strained… that is the nice way to say it.   

I took every class offered at the hospital. I read most of KellyMom about breastfeeding. I struggled. I tried. I failed. I tried something else and failed again (wash, rinse, repeat). It is ok; I am good at failure. After failure comes the figuring-out. After failure comes the learning. After failure comes success. In my mind, failure is the best teacher. I am a student of motherhood. A student with minimal natural talent; but a HUGE drive to learn.

They say "Failure is always an option" on that Discovery Channel science show, Mythbusters. Yes, I did watch a TON of TV while I was pregosaurus! It is our family motto. You can always fail, it is just a fact of life. Failing is totally fine and natural. Learn and get back up. I know some of you just had horror jolt through your veins at the thought of failure. :-)

The BEST part of all my failure is that Tennyson didn’t know (nor need to know) that I was failing at the little things. She doesn't know that the 1st 6 months of her life we struggled with how to feed her. She didn’t know that I couldn’t breastfeed normally. She didn’t know that I had to pump twice as long as everyone else with the hospital-grade pump. Which meant I pretty much barely slept. She didn’t know how much ridiculous money we spent on donor breast milk. She didn’t understand the curse words I screamed or cried in pain at that *=%&*^% pump! She didn’t know I couldn’t eat dairy, vegetables, or anything spicier than ketchup because of her sensitive tummy. She didn’t know embarrassed I was to beg frozen milk off a friend who also had a dairy-free baby. She didn’t know her sensitive tummy and that *=%&*^% pump ruled her parents lives like tyrants for 6 months. She didn’t know that her mom could only sleep a few hours between pumping to try (and still fail) to make enough milk for her. All she knew is that she spent the days held, responded to, happy and well fed.

When we FINALLY found a formula that her SENSITIVE tummy could tolerate she switched seamlessly. The $11 a day price tag of that fancy-hypoallergenic-magic-formula seems a SMALL price to pay at this point. I am convinced it is so expensive because it is made by angels and imported straight from Heaven! It has saved my sanity! Tomorrow will be my 4 week-aversary of quitting pumping. Ah, so grateful!

As miserable and pumping day and night was, I am so grateful that there was a way to feed my baby without causing her pain. The pain she experienced trying formulas was almost too much for me to handle!

After almost 7 months, I feel like I am coming into my own as a mother. I can make my little girl laugh. I can sleep enough that I don’t slur my words! I can eat salads. I can take my baby on walks and to the barn (which she loves). I can lay on the floor and help her learn to crawl. I can laugh with her as she pulls my hair out (she LOVES pulling hair).

Motherhood is still not natural to me, and it might never be but I am ok with that. I am trying to find the talents that I have and craft them into motherly-stuff. I am no longer scared that I will be a bad mom. In fact, I think I am a pretty stinking great mom! In my mind, you don’t have to be talented to be good at something. You have to WORK and TRY. And get back up when you fail, over and over. I don’t know about you guys, but if I only did the things that came easily to me life would be pretty empty!

I have fallen deeper in love with my husband than I ever thought possible. I have had so many people tell me things like, “You will love your baby more than your husband.” I am glad that isn’t true for me. If I loved Tait less than the baby, there is no way we could have gotten through these 6 months where I basically couldn’t sleep because of stupid-pumping. There is no way I could have given him the benefit of the doubt when I needed to. There is no way I could have made it through without him. I am also grateful for a husband who loves me enough to put up with me when I am so tired I can’t think. Who takes the baby and sends me to bed so I can sleep when I am as logical as a toddler. He is much more of a partner in this than I could have ever expected (and I expected him to be awesome).

I am glad that Tennyson is a HAPPY baby. We are in love with her! I've heard there are people who have more than 1 kid, are they super-heros?